Disclaimer: Long time lol’r, first time blogger... The intention of this post, other than the obvious; laughs, is to encourage lads and latches alike to post memorable tales from their struggle. Events that are both funny and memorable that have in some way shaped the person sitting behind their computer contributing to this blog. Think of posts of this nature as if they were frozen moments in time; stories so offside and inappropriate, the only thing one can do is share them with their buddies in hopes of brightening the day of their fellow man.
In addition I should probably warn you that this post is of a sexual nature, so, if you don’t have a raunchy sense of humour and don’t revel in the misfortunes of others, please, go no further...
Spring of 2008
At the age of 22 I found myself with a girlfriend. No, not my first girlfriend (second actually!) but a girlfriend none the less. Although the relationship as a whole was not very memorable, there were a few unfortunate occurrences I will never forget...
We had only been dating a little while when it became time to do the sex (also my second time...jk/lol). An easy enough task for a young couple, simply do what young people do right? Well ...not so fast. When it came time to...how do I phrase this...get it in, things weren’t so simple. There was an apparent size discrepancy that made this action a little difficult. The young lady I was dating, smart as she was, came up with a “working solution”. Before we would engage in the sex, we would simply apply lubricant to the relevant areas and boom! The sex. As luke warm as I was to this idea at first you cannot argue with results. Applying lubricant became another step in the process and after a short while it was not a big deal at all.
Fast forward a few weeks and where does the young couple find themselves, about to manipulate the sex. At this point we were becoming custom to one another and the lubricant was no longer mandatory, instead it served as an aid. Kind of like the remote control to your television set, you don’t NEED it, it just makes things easier (I’m getting off topic here). Anyways here we are, almost in the sex when it was suggested by one party that we apply the lubricant. No problem at all, I simply reach into the drawer, grab it, apply and away we go. Shortly thereafter the female participant reacts with concern;”Hey! Stop a second that doesn’t feel quite right”. After a short break and a visual inspection the sex reiterates and seems to be fine until a slightly more concerned reaction; “Ok stop, it’s really burning”. As the female participant flicks on the lights and rushes to the bathroom for a more in-depth inspection I found myself wondering; what did I get drunk and do that caused this? Will I die if I jump out the window on the 17th floor? Is she going to come back with a gun? Already accepting the worst I lean over and look into the drawer and see the lubricant. Funny I don’t remember putting the lubricant back into the drawer. I spin around and look at the bedside table, to where I thought I put the lubricant bottle only to see a bottle of hand sanitizer; Purel to be exact, pure...lol.
Consider yourself set, bar.
ReplyDeleteConsider that case of the clap cleared up as well eh Big D?
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